By Caleb Roose
Who welcomed you into fatherhood? Chances are—no one.
Yet for many other significant life transitions in our society, we clearly recognize them with friends and loved ones.
When we finish school, we celebrate the transition from student to whatever is next at a graduation.
When we get married, we celebrate the transition from single to married life at a wedding.
When we have a baby, we celebrate the transition from being a couple to being a family at a [BLANK].
How would you fill in this blank?
If you’re like me, perhaps you hosted a co-ed baby shower because you wanted to be a part of a celebration that felt adjacent to recognizing this major transition in your life.
Yet even baby showers are more about gifts for the baby than they are about welcoming men into fatherhood—and most aren’t even co-ed.
So, why do we have ceremonies for other major milestones in life, but not for one of the biggest milestones in a man’s life?
And more importantly, what are we going to do about it?
Why Welcoming Men into Fatherhood Matters
In today’s Western culture, the super-involved dad is still somewhat of a novelty. Just a generation or two ago, the father’s primary role was to be the breadwinner.
Yet times have changed.
As the dads of today, we want to fully engage in our kids’ lives—which comes with so much more joy as well as challenges that nothing else in life has prepared us for.
Our societies desperately need something that welcomes men into fatherhood—similar to what graduations do for students and weddings do for engaged couples.
If you agree, check out these 3 practical ideas to help you welcome your soon-to-be dad friends into fatherhood well—so when they consider the question, “Who welcomed you into fatherhood?” a whole host of faces will immediately come to mind.
3 practical ideas to welcome soon-to-be dads into fatherhood
1. Host a “fatherhooding”
Plan a time for dad friends, brothers, cousins, uncles, and community members in the soon-to-be dad’s life to get together. This could be around a fire, over dinner and drinks, or some other venue that makes it easy to talk and share. Provide time for your expectant dad friend to share what he’s looking forward to, what he’s worried about, and any questions he may have. Then the other dads can share their experiences and perspectives to encourage and support the soon-to-be dad.
Pro tip: Make sure everyone who comes knows they’re there to encourage, not to share their parenting “horror” stories.
2. Compile a words of wisdom/advice book
Reach out to dad friends, brothers, cousins, uncles, and community members in the soon-to-be dad’s life and ask them to send you a word of wisdom or advice that they would have wanted to hear when they were first becoming a dad, along with a picture of them with their firstborn. Then compile everything you receive into a document and either send it to the expectant dad virtually, or print it out and put it in a photo album to share it as a tangible gift.
Pro tip: Send a few reminders along the way to increase the number of dads who follow through on offering their word of wisdom or advice. As many men have never received an invitation like this one before, it may take them a bit of time to think through what they want to share and some may forget to send you something if you don’t send some friendly reminders.
3. Give a symbolic gift
Ceremonial gifts are gifts that mean something.
Diplomas represent a completed education.
Wedding rings symbolize union.
Each symbolic gift can act as a physical representation of a change that is taking place in a person’s life. While your expectant dad friend will be getting a tangible representation of becoming a father very soon (it’s called a baby!), a symbolic gift can support his meaningful transition into fatherhood, as well.
Here are a few gift ideas:
A "Dad" journal so he can chronicle his fatherhood experiences and stories
A baseball that’s signed by other dads to represent the time he’ll share with his child and the support he has from his community
A t-shirt that says “Dad” to help him start embracing this new identity
Regardless of what gift you decide upon, your soon-to-be dad friend will deeply appreciate it.
Any of these 3 practical ideas will help a soon-to-be dad friend feel welcomed into fatherhood—and if you’re able, combining a few of them together will make for a truly meaningful and memorable experience.
Building a Community of Supportive Dads
Becoming a dad is one of the most meaningful and significant transitions a man will ever experience, and it shouldn’t have to feel like sink-or-swim. Fatherhood can be something that we as dads welcome each other into and support each other in along the way. We just have to be the change we want to see in our own circles of influence until others start to catch our vision.
If you’re not already a part of a community of dads, check out our Good Enough Dads Community on Facebook. We’d love to help you plan whatever you’re hoping to pull off for that soon-to-be dad friend and support you in your own everyday dad journey.
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