By Caleb Roose
As dads, our time is limited.
Between work, commuting, and everyday adult responsibilities, the majority of our time is often spent apart from our kids (and if you’re divorced, this time may be divided even further based on custody terms).
To make matters even more challenging, the time apart from our kids only grows as they get older and often choose to spend more time with their peers and less with their parents.
All of which begs the question:
If our time is so limited,
how can we stay connected to our kids and
they need along the way?
The key is to make the most of the time we do have with our kids.
Quality time can beat quantity time
The quantity of time we have with our kids is important. After all, if we never see them, it’s going to be difficult to have any quality time with them. Yet, as dads, we don’t fully control the amount of time we have with our kids—depending on our work obligations, financial situation, and/or custody status.
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The good news is that the quality of our time with our kids can far outweigh the quantity—if we’re intentional. (Many of us know from experience that it’s all too easy to let hours pass with our kids without any real connection—getting distracted by work, phones, or because we’re just plain tired.)
To make the most of your time with your kids, try these 3 actionable tips (you won’t regret it):
1. Create one-on-one time with your kid(s)
Our kids long for our attention (and actually need it for their growth).
If you have one kid, one-on-one time may feel like it's already the default, but intentionally creating time for just you and your child (even apart from their mom) can deepen your connection.
If you have more than one child, one-on-one time with each is pure gold to your kids. It’s one thing for Dad to notice "me" for a moment in the midst of daily family interactions. It’s something entirely different for Dad to spend time with just “me.”
When I look back on my own childhood, some of my strongest and fondest memories are of one-on-one times I had with my dad. Whether we were shooting hoops, going out to eat, or my dad said I could pick whatever activity I wanted to do together (within reason), those one-on-one times made me feel special and seen as a kid (especially being 1 out of 4 children in the house!).
As a dad myself, I now recognize how intentional my parents had to be to give each of us kids that kind of one-on-one time. It's honestly tough for me to consistently do the same with our three kids in the midst of the everyday chaos of work and family life. Yet I’ve never regretted it when I have.
The key to make these special times happen has been to 1) make a plan with my spouse on when she can hang with our other two kids, and then 2) we immediately put it on the calendar.
Make it happen: Take a moment right now and text your spouse/partner to ask if there’s a date you can have some one-on-one time for you and one of your kids (and offer to do the same for her in return on another date). Then, surprise your kid with some one-on-one time doing something you know they love, or ask them to plan it with you from the beginning. (Just be sure to plan one-on-one time with each of your kids to avoid the appearance of favoritism.)
2. Craft family rituals
In addition to craving one-on-one time with Dad, kids love routine. Whether it’s reading a book to them each night before bed, having “weekend waffle day,” or asking everyone to share about their day around the dinner table, these little moments are the glue of relationship with our kids.
And the good news is, when it comes to family routines and rituals, we only need consistency—not perfection. When our kids look back, they won’t remember the few times we didn’t make waffles or didn’t read a book before bed. Instead, if we’re generally consistent, they’ll remember all the times we did.
Make it happen: Write a short list of the rituals you already have as a family. Then jot down a few rituals or routines you’d like to have. Plan a day to experiment with one of them and evaluate if it’s something you’d like to continue in the future.
3. Use technology to bridge the distance
Whether it’s because of traveling for work or only having your kids part-time due to divorce, there are times when we can't physically be with our kids. In these seasons, technology can help bridge the gap. Connecting over a video call, texting, or playing an online game together can help maintain your connection. While it’s not an equal substitute for being in person, strategically using technology can help our kids know how much we love and care about them even when we’re apart.
Make it happen: The next time you’re apart from your kids, plan a time in advance that you’ll connect with them virtually, and be sure to follow through. These moments of virtual connection will keep your kids feeling close even when you’re away.
Intentionality is the key
Making the most of the time we have with our kids takes intentionality. Yet if you’re willing to make it happen, you can build and maintain deep connections with your kid even if it’s just an hour in the evenings or when you have them for the weekend.
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