By Caleb Roose
My workday ended with a dozen things undone and a misunderstanding between me and a colleague that left me feeling frustrated and anxious. As I started my commute home, I looked at the clock and realized I had approximately 23 minutes to transition from work to dad mode.
In light of the stress I was carrying, it didn’t seem like nearly enough.
And yet I knew I had to make the most of the commute if I was going to be at least marginally present with my family when I arrived. I needed strategies to make the most of my commute.
If you’re a working dad, you know exactly how this feels. Work stress mounts, and you’re left with little time to decompress before coming home (and if you work from home, that transition time may be reduced from 23 minutes to 23 seconds!)
One of the keys to being more present with our kids is mastering the art of the commute. Whether you work onsite or from home, we all need rhythms that help us shed work stress to be fully present with our families at the end of the day.
Here are 3 strategies to make the most of your work-to-home transition
To master your commute, it’s important to have a strategy for each phase of your work-to-home transition: 1) a toward-the-end-of-your-workday strategy, 2) a while-you-commute strategy, and 3) a once-you-get-home strategy. Find a strategy that works for you at each phase, and you’ll be as ready as ever to connect with your kids at the end of the workday.
1) A toward-the-end-of-your-workday strategy
It’s important to develop wrapping-up-work rhythms that work for you. In my day job, it’s essential for me to assess what’s been done, what’s left to do, and to make a priority list for the next day. Knowing I have a game plan for tomorrow helps my mind relax and set aside work priorities for home priorities.
What helps you wrap things up at work?
If you’re not sure, experiment with different routines and see what works for you. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Write a list of things you need to accomplish tomorrow and schedule some time to do them.
Write down 3 things you’re grateful for from the day.
Write down 2 things you’re looking forward to when you get home.
The important thing to remember is to simply have a wrapping-up-work routine. Otherwise, work is likely going to bleed into your homelife—whether you like it or not.
2) A while-you-commute strategy
The commute time between work and home is key. And for those of us who work from home, it’s important to realize that if you don’t have a commute, you need to create one. We all need time to transition from work to parent mode, regardless of our place of work.
Here are some strategies that have helped me make the most of my commute, depending on whether I’m commuting from work or my home office.
Commuting from a worksite to home life: During the first half of the commute, I’ll play music that helps me unwind while I take time to think through and process my workday. I intentionally don’t make or take any calls. During the second half of the commute, I’ll turn down the music a bit and start paying attention to the familiar landmarks that indicate that I’m almost home. I’ll picture what I’m going to do when I get home and take a moment to imagine what my kids may be up to when I arrive.
This simple routine is what works for me, and I arrived at it through a bit of trial and error. And, because we’re different people and we likely have different length commutes and pick-up & drop-off arrangements for our kids, my routine may or may not work for you.
Here are a few ideas you might want to experiment with until you find what fits:
Listen to a podcast or music you love
Do a guided meditation through an app or pray to center yourself and become more present in the moment (just be sure to keep your eyes open!)
Catch up with a friend over the phone
The important thing is to find a routine that helps you be more present when you’re with your kids—that’s the goal.
Commuting from your home office to the family room: I have the privilege of getting to work from home many days out of the week—but if you work from home, you know it has its own set of unique challenges, and one of those is the lack of a commute. As a mentioned earlier, “If you don’t have a commute, you need to create one.” Shifting instantaneously from work to family life isn’t realistic, so it’s important to create a routine that gives you the space and time you need (while keeping in mind the needs of your family, as well). For me, I like to take a walk around the block or shoot hoops for a few minutes in the front yard. Getting my body moving and doing something I enjoy helps me make the shift from work to family life.
What helps you?
Here are a few ideas to experiment with:
Go on a walk
Ride a bike
Talk to a neighbor
The important thing to remember is to be intentional with the commute time you have (or have created).
3) A once-you-get-home strategy
Let’s imagine for a moment you did it: You did your toward-the-end-of-the-workday strategy that works for you (strategy 1), you made the most of your commute (strategy 2), and now you’re about to open the front door. It’s game time! Well, not quite yet. You need a once-you-get-home strategy as well (and this one needs to be planned in coordination with your spouse/partner!). Expectations are key here. Are you instantly “on” as soon as you open the door, or do you get a couple minutes to set down your stuff, change your clothes, and freshen up? Personally, I need about 5 minutes from the time I open the door. From then on, I’m ready to jump into family life.
Here’s my once-I-get-home strategy:
Open the door and say “Hi”
Set down my stuff
Get changed
Then, I ask my wife—who is home with the kids before me—“How can I come into your world?” so I can gain any needed context on what’s been going on at home
Then, I’m ready to care for and hang with my kids
What’s your once-you-get-home strategy?
Not sure? Download this free “once-you-get-home strategy” worksheet to help you devise a plan that’s works for you and your family.
Shifting from work life to homelife isn’t easy, but by having a strategy for each of the key timepoints in your work-to-home transition, you can be the present parent you desire to be.
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